Frolicking Butterflies

The Boss Man and I are going out on a breakfast date Tuesday the 30th. **Insert squeals of excitement here** I can't believe he's going to be so close so soon. I am insanely happy. As a matter of fact, last night I had dreams of butterflies frolicking in fields of rainbows. I'm so happy, my own dreams are making me nauseous. :P

Best Friend looked at me a couple of days ago and said, "I know you're excited, but your enthusiasm is killing my angst. I need my angst, so cut it out, will ya?" Gotta love best friends.

But back to Tuesday the 30th. This will be the first time we've seen each other in person in months! I'm not as crazy nervous as I was. The Boss Man has really helped with that. He promised that he would try to do better about keeping in touch when we're apart. As a matter of fact, he's been super sweet. He sends me all sorts of lovey dovey text messages throughout the day, and he's been letting me know if he's not going to be able to talk for awhile.

I've also been trying to do better at letting him know where I'm at. I'm a bit spacey at times. I'm gonna blame the artistic creative streak in me. I get in the zone, and everything just falls away. Time stops, the world ceases, and the only thing I'm aware of is what I'm currently working on. I'll get up and leave on a whim, lost in my own little world, and forget to tell anybody I'm going anywhere. I've been trying to do better, with some success. There were a couple of times I slipped up. Thankfully, this isn't a punishable offense.

I Wish...

The Boss Man and I had a bit of a... eh, I can't find a word appropriate enough to use. Boss Man has a habit of forgetting to tell me things, and then goes off the grid for hours, while I'm sitting here doing the paranoia thing. A several nights ago, the Boss Man forgot to tell me he was going to a concert. When he goes to concerts, of course, he doesn't text much. On top of that, his phone had died. I hadn't heard from him in almost 12 hours (it was 30 minutes from being twelve hours). Of course I was worried, and I thought the worse. The longer we went without talking, the madder I became. I couldn't understand how he thought this hypocritical behavior was acceptable! I get in trouble all the time for not checking in with him.

I'm was so upset, I couldn't eat, and I LOVE food. I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about these horrible things happening, and I have no way to get to my man. And, then he texted me... I was slightly non responsive, saying things like, "Okay." instead of my usual, "Okies." Then, when he asked me what was wrong, I responded with, "Nothing's wrong. That's a lie, but I'm too mad to talk about it." I told him I didn't want to talk about it while he was gone. I didn't want to ruin his trip because I was upset, and I was slightly afraid I'd say something stupid. But, he kept pushing and pushing. And, I exploded. I finally told him that I didn't care who he was with, or what he was doing. I just wanted to know he was safe.

He let me rant, rave, and cyber-cry all over him. He apologized profusely. When I had calmed down a bit I told him he was sleeping on the couch tonight. I wonder if he'll let me spank him for misbehaving.

Come Home Soon

I've been good with this whole long distance relationship thing. I knew it was going to be hard. I knew that when we started our relationship. I'm a quiet person. I like to observe people. In fact, I'm fascinated by people's behavior. My aunt had her annual Independence Day cookout yesterday, and everyone there was paired off, except for my aunt, six year old cousin, and myself.


I'm so happy that my family's happy. I'm so grateful that everyone has someone to love, someone to hold them at night. But I'm also extremely jealous. I don't get to have my man with me. I don't get to have somebody to whisper to at family functions. I don't get to be held at night. And I've been fine with that.


But now the Boss Man will be 45 minutes away in six weeks. Why am I not happy about this? Why have I been crying myself to sleep every night before the past two weeks? I have been fine with the months of separation between those few and far between visits. Now I have six weeks to go, and I've been questioning this whole relationship. Am I just nervous?


SheDaisy has this song, Come Home Soon, and I have always loved it. I heard it a couple of days ago for the first time in a long time, and it struck me like never before. I've kind of made it my motto. Here are the lyrics if you're interested:


I put away the groceries
And I take my daily bread
I dream of your arms around me
As I tuck the kids in bed


I don't know what you're doin'
And I don't know where you are
But I look up at that great big sky
And I hope you're wishin' on that same
bright star


I wonder, I pray


I sleep alone
I cry alone
And it's so hard livin' here on my own
So please, come home soon
(Come home soon)


I know that we're together
Even though we're far apart
And I'll wear our lucky penny 'round my neck
Pressed to my heart

I wonder, I pray


I sleep alone
I cry alone
And it's so hard livin' here on my own
So please, come home soon
(Come home soon)

I still imagine your touch
It's beautiful missing something that much
But sometimes love needs a fighting chance
So I'll wait my turn until it's our turn to dance

I wonder, I pray

I sleep alone
I cry alone
Without you this house is not a home
So please, come home soon

I walk alone
I try alone
I'll wait for you, don't want to die alone
So please, come home soon

Come home soon
Come home soon


I've been waiting for our turn to dance for so long now. Our turn is coming up soon, and I don't know if I'm ready for it. I don't know if I'll make it through these next six weeks. I want to be home. I want him to come home to me. I want him.

Slightly Scary Conversation

Most of our conversations are over the phone, or through text, MSN Messenger, and Skype. We were talking about a previous conversation in which Best Friend told the Boss Man the meaning of best friend. (Best friend means crazy lesbian by the way.) I jokingly said he would enjoy it if we were lesbians together, and he said no. But I know him better than that.

Me: I know, but you lied to me. That's a greater you know.
Boss Man: Oh is it?
Me: It is!
Boss Man: You're cute.
Me: ... I'm cute? I don't think that's an appropriate response.
Boss Man: Sammie says hi. And licks you. Well she licked the screen. So I figured that counts.
Me: Hi Sammie. Now, back to the conversation.
Boss Man: I lubbs you.
Me: I lubbs you too. Stop changing the subject.
Boss Man: Kay. How did I lie to you?
Me: You said you didn't think it would be hot if Best Friend and I went at it.
Boss Man: I don't. I mean maybe.
Me: Mmkay. Lying is a greater though. I need to come up with a punishment for you.
Boss Man: Now where did you get this idea that you get to punish me?
Me: Uh... Copper says hi and curls up between us.
Boss Man: You're both cute.

Now all this was said in jest, but I did get a little nervous there at the end. Best Friend and I would never go at it. But you should see the looks we when we're in public. It's become a running joke between the two of us.

Boss Man and Best Friend

Every single day I second guess everything about our relationship. Yesterday was especially rough. The Boss Man was travelling, driving for eight hours. Which I'm perfectly fine with. But he didn't text, call, use smoke signals. His end of the phone line was silent from 11:33 to 8:49. Eight hours and sixteen minutes, 496 minutes. All that time and not a peep. Now, I'm a paranoid worry wart and all these bad things started playing through my head. I can't help it. I picture the worst case scenario and make it ten times worse than it all ready is.

Being Tuesday, my best friend in the entire world, who I will probably tell about ttwd sometime in the future, teach karate. She was staying with her boyfriend, who lives three miles from my house, so I went to pick her up. She knew something was wrong immediately. We've known each other twenty years. After the junior class was over, we made plans with my dad to get ice-cream, and then left to do our shopping. While we were out and about, she finally weaseled the fact that I hadn't heard from him. My girl called him and left him a message. About thirty minutes later, after we were leaving McDonald's with my dad, he texted me.

Flash forward to my phone dying, and a not so happy text message conversation on her phone with him, and I was a mess. I didn't make the evening fun for her, and for that I'm sorry. But I tried so hard to keep it together. My friend and I were sitting in my car as I was getting ready to leave, and I finally lost it. I was so upset. I told her I didn't think I could wait until August, and that I couldn't do this anymore.

She looked at me and said, "You have two months left. You've waited three years to be together, and gone through more shit than I can imagine, and now you're going to give up. If I could grow wings, and fly us down there, I'd hand you over to him to beat your ass." I laughed through the sniffles, thinking if only she knew. I will one day tell her. Probably in several, several years, and she will hug me, roll her eyes, and accept me for who I am. Because that's what we've always done.

I'm glad she'll look me in the eye and tell me when I'm being a complete idiot. I'm glad I have somebody on my side even though she doesn't know it yet. It made yesterday a whole hell of a lot easier. He will be here in two months. I can make it that long, because neither my Boss Man nor my Best Friend, will let me be stupid enough to walk away. Maybe she's on his side after all...

Ramble, Ramble, Ramble

I have not started the count down yet, but it will be happening soon. My Boss Man will be up here the 23rd of August!!! And I'll see him sometime the next week, I hope!

We were talking about a lot of things. He's really focusing hard on school, that comes first, and I'm fine with that of course. I told him, I just didn't want him to forget about me. He has a tendency to get tunnel vision and focus solely on one thing, letting everything else fall to the side. He told me he wasn't going to forget me cause I am his baby girl, and we're going to be able to have a normal relationship with dates and everything. :)

That's when I realized he would be able to start chipping away at that pesky D.O.G. So much for a normal relationship. Not that I'm complaining. Yet.

I love everything about him, and I can't wait to be with him. I can't wait to show him everything that's important to me, that he hasn't gotten to see. I can't wait to take him to karate to meet my O'Sensei, to watch me teach, and everything else. I can't wait to go on double dates with my bestest, and oldest friend, in the whole world, and her man. I can't wait to get in trouble in person. Oh, never mind, that can wait. :P As a matter of fact, so can the D.O.G punishments that need to be caught up.

Dear Self,
Learn to shut up.
Sincerely,
Me.

As if that will help.

August

I just looked at a calendar today. I mean really looked at it. I was trying to schedule a doctor's appointment, and in the middle of the lobby, I did a gimped up happy dance. In a little over two months, my Boss Man is going to be 30 minutes away. I think that's worthy of a gimped up happy dance, and I didn't even care about the stares I received.

Now I just have to remember not to wish the time away.