Even More Shit That's About To Hit The Fan

I have to admit something, something I haven't even told the Boss Man yet. But he's going to find out soon, when I post this. Oh, the trouble I'll be in...

For almost two months now, I haven't taken my arthritis medicine. I've started taking it again though! Like last night. I couldn't remember why I had stopped taking it, until this morning. It makes me sick to my stomach, tired, very very bitchy, and oh yeah, it kills my appetite.

When I was taking it, back before I got sick, I'd gone almost five days without eating. I had no desire to eat. I felt full all the time. My body never complained with the lack of food. If it wasn't for a very close friend of mine shoving food down my throat, I would've starved. When I would eat, I'd be sick to my stomach.

The reason I think of this is because, I haven't eaten all day. I'm not anorexic; I love food like you wouldn't believe. I'm exhausted, I haven't eaten, and I'm going to work out for three hours tonight. I know I need to make myself eat, but thinking about it is sending me into dry heaves already. My doctor said, the last time I talked to him, that this was normal. My body attacking itself is not normal. My body telling me food is bad is not normal.

I just want to be normal again...

While it Lasted...

Like B'Man and SugerAnne the Boss Man and I spent a good bit of time talking about nothing. It was great and wonderful. We'd been flying high on that nothingness intimacy for the past couple of days, and it was great and wonderful, while it lasted...

Today, I had to go and open my big, fat, stupid mouth. Last night I was kind of grumpy, and the Boss Man left me to myself and my thoughts, which it's best when I'm in a mood. But today, today was more than a mere mood. To day the bitch that is me roared my ugly head.

So when I opened my big, fat, stupid mouth and snapped at my Boss Man, he gave me 15 more minutes on the DoG.

Happy New Year

You know, I've never understood the hype of New Year's. I just don't get the excitement of something that happens every day. The clock strikes midnight every single night. I do, however, like the idea of a starting out on a clean slate. I like the idea of starting out fresh and new with all the bad things I've done and thought washed away. I like the idea of being a purer me.

Every year I set New Year's resolutions, but I'm not doing it this year. I'm setting goals. Goals that are not just for the New Year, but for the whole year. These goals aren't (I hope) goals I'm going to just give up after the New Year is over.

My first goal is to be better for the Boss Man. I want to be a better girlfriend, best friend, be a better whatever he needs. Lately, I've been very, eh, bad. I've been letting everything dictate how I feel, and that's been causing me to be more snappish than usual.

My second goal is to learn how to sew. I don't know why I'm so crazed over learning to sew. Well, that's not entirely true. I do know why I want to sew. I'm fascinated with the idea of taking nothing and making something. I can already knit. I want to be able to take fabric and make pretty things to wear because The Boss Man likes it when I look girly.

My third goal is to be more patient. In seven-ish months the Boss Man will be here. He won't just be the voice on the other end of the phone. He won't just be the person on my computer screen when we Skype. He won't just be text on my MSN screen. He will be here. We will be together every weekend. We, I, will be home.

My fourth and final goal is to go back to school. Because of my arthritis, I had to quit. I was going to go back to school this January, but my manager refused to work around a school schedule. During the fall I'm going to go back. I'm going to get my degree. With that degree I am going to open up my dream store.

These aren't New Year's Resolutions; these are my 2011 goals. I know the Boss Man will help me with these. He already is.

Happy New Year everyone!

Motivation... I Has It

 I'm teaching myself to sew; it's been a goal of mine for awhile now. But, just like every craft I try, sewing is going to end up the same way: shoved in a corner and forgotten. I asked The Boss Man to help me learn to sew. I told him I wanted to have the pattern cut and pinned at the very minimum, and that I'd rather have the fabric itself cut. The Boss Man told me to get the pattern pinned to the fabric tonight, and responded to my "or what" question with: 10 minutes with an instrument. After arguing why so much punishment he replies with, "Motivation."

After starting to cut the very delicate pattern, The Boss Man and I decided it would be best to cut at least half of it. There are six pieces to this very girly apron I'm making. I not only did half, but I did 2/3 of it. I'm leaving the hardest pieces for tomorrow, which is now today.

In this post, I mentioned how the DoG is over two hours. I was wrong, er, right. It's closer to five hours. Last night was not a good night, and I'll let The Boss Man tell you about it when he posts. Last night was, uh, bad, very, very bad. So bad I'm ashamed to write about it. Which is why I'm going to let him do it.

I Bet It's Alot

I only asked for a sewing machine for Christmas. I've tried learning to sew before without much success, and now I'm ready to try again. I'm really attracted to the idea of designing and making my own clothes. (The Boss Man wants me to make lingerie.) After I got my sewing machine, I left to go to my grandparents. I've been itching to play with it. So much so, I've started looking at patterns and designing software.

The Boss Man and I were chatting as we usually do on Windows Live, and this happened:


Baby Girl:
Boss Man?
Boss Man:
Yeah sugar?
Baby Girl:
I have a lingere designer type thing.
Boss Man:
=D=D=D=D=D=D=D YES!!!
Baby Girl:
Hehe. I love you.
Boss Man:
I LOVE YOU TOO!!!
I'm excited!!!
Baby Girl:
Why?
Boss Man:
You in lingerie is pure bliss for the eyes.
Baby Girl:
No.
Boss Man:
Yes.
Your man says so.
So live with it.
Baby Girl:
I doubt I'll even be able to make any of it.
Boss Man:
Stop that honey.
You will.
Just work at it.
Baby Girl:
I'm making all these grand plans, and I'll probably suck major ass.
Boss Man:
Stop.
Now.
Baby Girl:
Sorry.
Boss Man:
Disrespecting yourself is a greater.
Baby Girl:
I'm being realistic.
The Boss Man:
 ...
Baby Girl:
How much trouble am I in? I bet it's alot.



I should learn to keep my mouth shut. Now I have a Greater on the DoG. I've lucked out with only Lessers. And by lucked out, I mean I've seriously wracked up the time. I believe it's now over 2 hours. Sigh.

Sleepy Ramblings

As I fall asleep, I say rather odd things. I wasn't entirely sure I believed The Boss Man's re-tellings of my ramblings, well, not until a couple of nights ago. Not only to I talk as I fall asleep, I text as I fall asleep.

On December 14th, I sent: Don't disappoint the eagle's claws

Night night.

The Boss Man replied with: I'll do my best. Night night.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love him? :) Oh, I also texted, on the 14th, that I was going to Lizzie Borden him, and he just laughed at me. That was before the eagle's claws.

Long Distance Sucks

I miss the Boss Man so much it hurts. I know, it's a sappy line, but it's true. I miss the way he smells, the way his arms wrap around me, and all I could think about was: Long distances sucks. It never feels like we're going to be together, and we will be in August. Then there are the visits.

The Boss Man's visits are wonderful, albeit too short. He'll come up to see me on a Friday night, and then he'll have to leave. It doesn't do good things for my emotional well being. The Boss Man assures me we won't always be doing the long distance thing, but it feels like it. It feels like he's never going to hold me, or whisper my name in that yummy way he has. It feels like we're never going to be together.

I hate being away from him. When he's not here, I have to pretend to be happy when all I want to do is wallow in misery. But, I can't. I don't want my family to be as miserable as me, and, if I didn't pretend to be happy when he's not around. I'm not saying I'm never happy when he's gone, but I hate most of family, so being happy is quite unlikely.

I hate not being able to feel his arms wrapped around me; it's the only time I feel safe enough to relax. I'm a hugely paranoid person, and when The Boss Man wraps his arms around, when I'm with him, I don't have to continuously look over my shoulder; The Boss Man does it for me. He protects me.

I hate not being able to cuddle with him when we've had a bad day. He makes everything so much better (well, until he goes and agrees with something my mother said, and then I'll get in alot of trouble, another post for another time). He makes this abnormally crazy family of mine seem manageable. He makes everything seem, and feel, better.

Everything that I hate about the long distances in this long distance relationship, I love about him. I don't want this blog to turn into a simpering crying fest all the time, but it feels good to rant for a little bit.