While at my aunt's today I started getting really agitated. When I get agitated I have a tendency to withdraw into myself. The Boss Man was cyber slap and tickling me, which had the desired affect of making me feel better. I started thinking, never a good thing for me, and my thoughts started to make me feel alone, like I was the only person in the world.
I know we aren't the only couple in the world doing this, but I feel so isolated from my family because they don't know. My friends don't know we do this. Only you, my invisible readers, know about this thing we do, and you don't actually know us. Well, you might, but unless we trade names, I won't know if you know me, so for the sake of my sanity and this long rambling sentence, I'm going to pretend you don't know us. Soon though, you will know more about us than our friends.
What does that say about my friends, about me, and about you? I can't help but wonder what our friends would say/do/think if we tell them. Likewise, our families...
In other news, The Boss Man said he was proud of me for posting it. I wasn't going to. It was very painful to write. It had me in tears, and my brain was screaming at me to delete it and move on with my life. The Boss Man says my heart wanted to post it. The only reason I posted it was by accident. I was trying to hit the "Save Now" button so I could send it to The Boss Man to read, but my cursor slipped. Maybe subconsciously I wanted to post it, and that's why I hit the button. Whatever the reason, I did it, and I'm not going to delete it.
Speaking of The Boss Man you should check out his blog. He's a much better writer than I.
That's pretty much the case with the rest of us. Our families don't know about our domestic discipline lives and we certainly can't tell our friends. My mother is a psychologist, and she would have a few choice words to say about my "abusive husband" and my lack of self esteem. A few of us have let the cat out of the bag to someone we trusted and were burned beyond recognition. Relax. Find your sisterhood out here in the cyberworld. We won't judge you... much :)
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the blogosphere.
SugarAnne
I think Sugar put it best. Even though we ache to offer up what we know will help other couples, it's just not something that the vanilla world can get a grip on. Chill in here for a while. You'll surely find the support and understanding that you crave.
ReplyDeleteSugarAnne and B'Man:
ReplyDeleteI've thought and thought about what you both said. I know what I want to say in response, but I can't word it exactly right. So I'm just going to leave you with a quote from a pretty smart dude, and thank you for your comments. They are much appreciated.
"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. "
~ C.S. Lewis