Come Home Soon

I've been good with this whole long distance relationship thing. I knew it was going to be hard. I knew that when we started our relationship. I'm a quiet person. I like to observe people. In fact, I'm fascinated by people's behavior. My aunt had her annual Independence Day cookout yesterday, and everyone there was paired off, except for my aunt, six year old cousin, and myself.


I'm so happy that my family's happy. I'm so grateful that everyone has someone to love, someone to hold them at night. But I'm also extremely jealous. I don't get to have my man with me. I don't get to have somebody to whisper to at family functions. I don't get to be held at night. And I've been fine with that.


But now the Boss Man will be 45 minutes away in six weeks. Why am I not happy about this? Why have I been crying myself to sleep every night before the past two weeks? I have been fine with the months of separation between those few and far between visits. Now I have six weeks to go, and I've been questioning this whole relationship. Am I just nervous?


SheDaisy has this song, Come Home Soon, and I have always loved it. I heard it a couple of days ago for the first time in a long time, and it struck me like never before. I've kind of made it my motto. Here are the lyrics if you're interested:


I put away the groceries
And I take my daily bread
I dream of your arms around me
As I tuck the kids in bed


I don't know what you're doin'
And I don't know where you are
But I look up at that great big sky
And I hope you're wishin' on that same
bright star


I wonder, I pray


I sleep alone
I cry alone
And it's so hard livin' here on my own
So please, come home soon
(Come home soon)


I know that we're together
Even though we're far apart
And I'll wear our lucky penny 'round my neck
Pressed to my heart

I wonder, I pray


I sleep alone
I cry alone
And it's so hard livin' here on my own
So please, come home soon
(Come home soon)

I still imagine your touch
It's beautiful missing something that much
But sometimes love needs a fighting chance
So I'll wait my turn until it's our turn to dance

I wonder, I pray

I sleep alone
I cry alone
Without you this house is not a home
So please, come home soon

I walk alone
I try alone
I'll wait for you, don't want to die alone
So please, come home soon

Come home soon
Come home soon


I've been waiting for our turn to dance for so long now. Our turn is coming up soon, and I don't know if I'm ready for it. I don't know if I'll make it through these next six weeks. I want to be home. I want him to come home to me. I want him.

Slightly Scary Conversation

Most of our conversations are over the phone, or through text, MSN Messenger, and Skype. We were talking about a previous conversation in which Best Friend told the Boss Man the meaning of best friend. (Best friend means crazy lesbian by the way.) I jokingly said he would enjoy it if we were lesbians together, and he said no. But I know him better than that.

Me: I know, but you lied to me. That's a greater you know.
Boss Man: Oh is it?
Me: It is!
Boss Man: You're cute.
Me: ... I'm cute? I don't think that's an appropriate response.
Boss Man: Sammie says hi. And licks you. Well she licked the screen. So I figured that counts.
Me: Hi Sammie. Now, back to the conversation.
Boss Man: I lubbs you.
Me: I lubbs you too. Stop changing the subject.
Boss Man: Kay. How did I lie to you?
Me: You said you didn't think it would be hot if Best Friend and I went at it.
Boss Man: I don't. I mean maybe.
Me: Mmkay. Lying is a greater though. I need to come up with a punishment for you.
Boss Man: Now where did you get this idea that you get to punish me?
Me: Uh... Copper says hi and curls up between us.
Boss Man: You're both cute.

Now all this was said in jest, but I did get a little nervous there at the end. Best Friend and I would never go at it. But you should see the looks we when we're in public. It's become a running joke between the two of us.

Boss Man and Best Friend

Every single day I second guess everything about our relationship. Yesterday was especially rough. The Boss Man was travelling, driving for eight hours. Which I'm perfectly fine with. But he didn't text, call, use smoke signals. His end of the phone line was silent from 11:33 to 8:49. Eight hours and sixteen minutes, 496 minutes. All that time and not a peep. Now, I'm a paranoid worry wart and all these bad things started playing through my head. I can't help it. I picture the worst case scenario and make it ten times worse than it all ready is.

Being Tuesday, my best friend in the entire world, who I will probably tell about ttwd sometime in the future, teach karate. She was staying with her boyfriend, who lives three miles from my house, so I went to pick her up. She knew something was wrong immediately. We've known each other twenty years. After the junior class was over, we made plans with my dad to get ice-cream, and then left to do our shopping. While we were out and about, she finally weaseled the fact that I hadn't heard from him. My girl called him and left him a message. About thirty minutes later, after we were leaving McDonald's with my dad, he texted me.

Flash forward to my phone dying, and a not so happy text message conversation on her phone with him, and I was a mess. I didn't make the evening fun for her, and for that I'm sorry. But I tried so hard to keep it together. My friend and I were sitting in my car as I was getting ready to leave, and I finally lost it. I was so upset. I told her I didn't think I could wait until August, and that I couldn't do this anymore.

She looked at me and said, "You have two months left. You've waited three years to be together, and gone through more shit than I can imagine, and now you're going to give up. If I could grow wings, and fly us down there, I'd hand you over to him to beat your ass." I laughed through the sniffles, thinking if only she knew. I will one day tell her. Probably in several, several years, and she will hug me, roll her eyes, and accept me for who I am. Because that's what we've always done.

I'm glad she'll look me in the eye and tell me when I'm being a complete idiot. I'm glad I have somebody on my side even though she doesn't know it yet. It made yesterday a whole hell of a lot easier. He will be here in two months. I can make it that long, because neither my Boss Man nor my Best Friend, will let me be stupid enough to walk away. Maybe she's on his side after all...

Ramble, Ramble, Ramble

I have not started the count down yet, but it will be happening soon. My Boss Man will be up here the 23rd of August!!! And I'll see him sometime the next week, I hope!

We were talking about a lot of things. He's really focusing hard on school, that comes first, and I'm fine with that of course. I told him, I just didn't want him to forget about me. He has a tendency to get tunnel vision and focus solely on one thing, letting everything else fall to the side. He told me he wasn't going to forget me cause I am his baby girl, and we're going to be able to have a normal relationship with dates and everything. :)

That's when I realized he would be able to start chipping away at that pesky D.O.G. So much for a normal relationship. Not that I'm complaining. Yet.

I love everything about him, and I can't wait to be with him. I can't wait to show him everything that's important to me, that he hasn't gotten to see. I can't wait to take him to karate to meet my O'Sensei, to watch me teach, and everything else. I can't wait to go on double dates with my bestest, and oldest friend, in the whole world, and her man. I can't wait to get in trouble in person. Oh, never mind, that can wait. :P As a matter of fact, so can the D.O.G punishments that need to be caught up.

Dear Self,
Learn to shut up.
Sincerely,
Me.

As if that will help.

August

I just looked at a calendar today. I mean really looked at it. I was trying to schedule a doctor's appointment, and in the middle of the lobby, I did a gimped up happy dance. In a little over two months, my Boss Man is going to be 30 minutes away. I think that's worthy of a gimped up happy dance, and I didn't even care about the stares I received.

Now I just have to remember not to wish the time away.

Hail

It's been awhile, hasn't it. The last several months have been insanely busy. Things between the Boss Man and I were strained for a long, long while. I revealed to him something I've kept hidden for two years. We haven't discussed talking about it on the blogs yet, so I'll just say it was stupid of me to hide it. I finally told him and excepted what he had to say. I'll also say that for awhile, I wasn't sure he'd stay with me. I was sure he was going to break things off. After the incident, things were still strained between us. In fact, as of last week, I still felt separated from him.

I can't speak for the Boss Man; I can only speak for myself. I braved the 7 hour trip to see him on Thursday. I was dreading the trip. It was the first time we had seen each other since the incident. I still felt like I was on rocky ground with him. So, I traveled through torrential downpours and a hail storm* to get to my Boss Man. He wrapped me in his arms. I felt so much better after I saw. I spent the entire weekend with him and his family.

It was a lot of fun.

We've also decided to table ttwd until we can have a safer place, and a closer relationship. I'm not complaining in the slightest. That's only the tip of the ice burg.

* I really was caught in torrential downpours and hail. I was caught on the side of the interstate during a hail storm. It was terrifying. Every time it started raining, I was stuck in truck stops.

Delicate Flower

I realize my Boss Man and I haven't blogged about our trip yet, but it's coming. We've just been super busy. As a matter of fact, I'm falling asleep as I type this. So I hope it makes sense.

My Boss Man and I had gone into the city to do some errands. He wanted to stop at Best Buy before we headed back home. I saw an Office Depot, and I asked if I could run in there real quick, and meet him in Best Buy. Honestly, I expected a flat out no. On our trips, my Boss Man likes to keep me close to his side so he can watch over me (because I'm such a delicate flower). But to my great surprise, he said yes. He dropped me off in front of Office Depot, and I looked around for a bit.

When I left, I walked the few feet to Best Buy, hunted for my Boss Man, but couldn't find him. I started to panic. I have no idea why. I knew he was safe in the store somewhere, but I let my imagination run wild with me. I let myself get paranoid. I swore there was someone following me. Finely, I called him, and directed me toward him. He grabbed my hand, and I snuggled against him, happy to be home.